i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
