Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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