is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
