by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
