You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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