I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
