I'm lost and stupid without you.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
