Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've changed since you got that strap on
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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