I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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