Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
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who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
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You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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