isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
