I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
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I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
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Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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