the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
and you fell through a lawn chair
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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