Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
