Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
