It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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