Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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