can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I am spending my child support on dildos
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
