Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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