8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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