If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
