Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize