In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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