im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
