Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
