what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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