wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
