the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
