Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
