Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
