4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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