Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
