She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
