Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
