The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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