listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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