remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
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his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
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I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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