so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
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the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
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My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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