I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
