Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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