We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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