Just fell off a train. Bad.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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