We won't sleep together?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
