This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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