so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
