I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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