insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm at about main and main street
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
