I think I am morally bankrupt
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
