Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize