What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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