You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
