worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
