You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
