You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
