He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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