just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
id be glad to
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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