Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
