went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
