I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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