well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
