fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
