I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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