When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
