If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
