Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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