Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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